... the nephew eats flour.

The first night of my silence, my sister and her husband asked me to watch their two year-old son while they ran some errands. I figured I’d give it a go. Since I live with them, I’m well aware of his routine. What harm could be done? So the little tyke spent an evening with “Auntie Em”… in silence.

The evening went swimmingly. He parents had taught him some sign language so we were able to communicate the necessary information: “all done,” “more,” “please.” What I found to be more powerful then sign language was my affect and facial expressions.
The kid is smart. Yes, I’m biased, but I’m also impressed with how he reacted to my silence. He was much more quiet than normal, and kept looking at me funny, yet he was still his quirky little self. We read books. Well, he crawled into my lap with his favorite books and after staring at page one in silence for a long time, he gave in and “read” them to me. This is how he read “Where the Wild Things Are.” “And Max, and da moon. And Max. And Max. And da boat, and Maaaax. And grrrrrr. And da moon. Na-night.” Clearly, Max is a hit.

As any good auntie would do while babysitting, we had “craft time.” (I’ve found that it is best to make a mess out of the kitchen when his mom isn’t around.) We made playdoh. All went well until the first step. I had placed two cups of flour in a pot and had given him a spatula to stir it—and invitation to “have fun, go mad.” He obliged. I turned my back to grab ingredient number two and upon returning to my two year old little chef and his flour, I found that he had emptied a scoopful of flour into his mouth. I’m telling you, that is just about as funny as watching a dog eat peanut butter. We had fun mixing, tasting, and playing with our playdoh—all made in silence. He was very responsive to my non-verbal communication and “looks.”
One peculiar thing occurred: he tested me in ways he normally wouldn’t have. And every time he would start to act up, I would respond with a flat affect or shaking my head. He never pushed me far beyond that.

This illustrated the power of non-verbal communication. Even toddlers get it. I believe that non-verbal communication is one way to demonstrate active listening while being silent. I don’t usually think much about my non-verbal communication in everyday conversations, but I’m thinking that perhaps I should pay more attention to it. Looking at someone while they talk (and not off into space), and responding with appropriate facial expressions can add a certain depth to conversation that can’t be found elsewhere.

Lesson #1: Note the non-verbal.
Lesson #2: Don’t feed the nephew flour.