… emotions get lost.

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.” James Earl Jones

In the beginning I spoke of anticipated frustrations and revelations, and I have experienced both. When I set out on this journey, I asked those around me if there was anything in particular that they would be interested in learning about through this experience. I figured that while I was doing this I might as well let others glean from it as well. About half why through my vow of silence, my dad inquired after the human need to love and be loved and how that need, or the need to express love, was impacted by silence. By the time he asked about it, I had already begun to notice a change in my emotions and how they were displayed and perceived.

My quirky little nephew has a way of melting my heart into a blubbering mess of “I love you’s.” I found it both revealing and frustrating to express my love to him without words. I had always thought that since “actions speak louder than words” emotion would not be vastly effected by silence. But I was wrong. At two, he might be a little too young to realize that my act of playing trucks and reading books with him are gestures of my love for him, which might have been part of why I was frustrated by my silence when expressing love.

My dad noted that when a relationship has matured to great depths, we often find that the couple is just as comfortable “when you say nothing at all” then when they are verbally expressing their love. I believe that a relationship reaches the “when you say nothing at all” point after a passage of time when the verbal expression of emotion has taken place and taken root. That being said, I do not believe that those without the ability to communicate verbally never experience relationships of great depth. I believe they have unique ways of obtaining depth in relationships.

Love was not the only emotion that was impacted by my silence. My overall demeanor became much more melancholy and I was not the only one to notice. Despite my bright smile and laughter, I struggled to express my emotions. I found myself writing “ha ha ha” when I could have audibly laughed (I did allow myself to laugh during the vow of silence). Any change in emotion I bumped into presented a bit of a quandary for me. Disappointment, happiness, uncertainty, anger, compassion, dread, and hope were all a challenge for me to fully express. I think the words of the American poet Maya Angelou say it well, “Words mean more then what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning.”

In an earlier “lesson learned” I mentioned that being silent is a solid place to start good communication skills, but it is only the beginning. I believe this lesson further illustrates that point. To gain depth in conversation, sometimes the human voice needs to be heard.

Lesson learned: silence may be golden, but the human voice can be priceless.