“Cellophane
Mister cellophane
Should have been my name
Mister cellophane
'cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there!”
One of the first things I noticed on Day One was how people unintentionally cut me out of conversation, or simply did not engage me in conversation in the first place. It was as if I wasn’t there.
After dinner the first evening of my vow, I sat in conversation with my family for a good thirty minutes-- listening and responding when appropriate. About five minutes into the conversation I noticed something unusual: one of my family members would not look at me. During the entire conversation he glanced at me no more then five times, yet he responded to my questions and comments as if I was talking.
When discussion turned towards the oddity of conversing with a person under a vow of silence, I mentioned his lack of eye contact. He admitted that he noticed what he was doing, but wasn’t sure how to remedy it—it felt odd to him.
As the days have progressed I have noticed more and more that I am left in the shadows. At first I felt like others were excluding me, perhaps due to the inconvenience of conversing with me. But as I reflect on my experiences during day three, I believe that my seclusion has been of my doing. I have pulled away from my peers. It is as if I don’t want to inconvenience them, or if they aren’t going to include me, why bother trying.
I believe I am beginning to understand what it feels like to not be heard, even when I do have a "voice."
One nice thing about communicating through written word is being able to choose what color your voice will be for the day. I’m happy I bought the 12-pack dry erase markers. Imagine how drab conversation would be if I could only speak in blue, red, or black?
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